November 14, Columbus, OH: I am definitely holding on to the past. But I dont think its because it represented the future I wanted. Is it some exercise in self-indulgent egotism? Is it because I want what I cannot have? Because its not as scary as claiming the future that's available to me? I am not sure; maybe its a mix of those things. But whatever the combination of reasons, clinging to what was is not making me a happy person at ALL.