November 6, San Francisco, CA: Solo. For the first time in months, I did not become nauseated when I thought about the past. It didn't consume me and create a tidal wave of sadness. I felt stronger. That also means that it is time to recognize the crutches I've been using, to stop relying on being propped up from the outside, and to find a way to create my own internal support system. I'm scared. Scared that this newfound strength will not last. That self-destructive behavior could be right around the corner. That I will not know when I am ready to begin growing with another person again. And even though my friends are all around, I can't help feeling alone. But strong.