January 5, Forest Hills, NY: A great day. I am thankful for my time off, which seems to be waning. I am thankful because I am able to feel more than I have in a long time. Because there are still certain important relationships that need repair, but I feel like I have a bit of renewed energy to keep trying. Definitely thankful to be feeling more emotionally focused than I ever have.
I can't say enough about how much I have gotten from being able to share parts of myself that I've protected from view for as long as I can remember. It has allowed me to discover and begin to accept some of the things that I used to run from and ignore because I didn't want to face myself as a person with such flaws. What makes sense to me finally is that you can see in yourself room for improvement without hating yourself for not being the person you want to be just yet. I think you end up beating yourself up, which seems a bit self-indulgent, selfish, and non-constructive (guilty on all counts). I can't say I wont ever end up there again, but awareness feels like the best tool I could have at my disposal.