3 6 5
July 7, Nowhere: For the first time since September, I let a full day go by without picking up my camera. It isn't just that I forgot. As I settled into bed before midnight, I remembered that I hadn't shot anything. And I made a decision to NOT get out of bed to take a picture. I have been close to that situation lots of times, but I've always motivated myself to maintain the continuity of my exercise. I don't really know why I didn't feel like getting up, but I just didn't.
When I got up this morning, one of the first thoughts I had was whether or not I should shoot a filler image for last night. I didn't think about it for very long. Maybe because I needed to get to traffic court by 8am. But what I eventually came to was that I was considering cheating. I was thinking about backing down from a commitment that I made to myself because I wanted to maintain some image to people who might read this. It would be completely counter to the entire point of doing this exercise. So I didn't take any pictures. Life happens. I didn't choose to post one of the 40,000 images from my library that nobody has ever seen. I guess what I see now is that I have allowed myself to be drawn in by the positive feedback I have received on my pictures. I think its made me be open to defining myself by images and by this exercise, or my commitment to it. And I need to be thoughtful about resisting that urge. To post something just to maintain an image would probably be tantamount to a little self-betrayal. And no matter how small it starts out, that shit just gets easier and easier with time. I feel like I've been there plenty of times before.
