January 16, Deale, MD:
"If you have unresolved commitment issues, even if you never, ever take a single step toward leaving, psychologically you're always one step out the door in every situation....You're committed, but you're not....You haven't run away, but you know you can. And it's knowing you *can* that keeps you from fleeing. That's what gives you your sense of freedom."
"If we don't look at the truth in our lives, if we don't honestly examine our conflicts and our fears, then we are denying our experiences, and we don't have a basis from which to make constructive changes."
-'He's Scared, She's Scared'
I am reading about commitment phobia, and there are more than a few passages that feel very familiar to me. Always positioning myself for a swift and convenient exit from a situation, inability to make the simplest plans, an almost pathological craving of situations that allow flexibility in terms of time and space. I am learning a lot about how my actions have directly resulted in an inability to have the kind of loving and committed relationship that I have been *saying* I want. And there is no better time to get a firm grasp on all this than now.