September 2, San Mateo, CA: I’ve been in complete denial about why I have been so dead dog tired. Today, I feel asleep in a meeting. It was at the end of the day, there were only about 7 people there, and it was wrapping up. But I couldn’t keep it together. So I just got up, walked out into the hallway, walked out of the building, walked to my car, got in, and drove home. But the culprit is a serious lack of exercise. In all my sedentary time, I have thought lots about why I feel such a lack of motivation to exercise. I feel like I have been working on balancing so much this year. Long-distance relationship, photography, journaling, new job, a healthy work-life outlook, and socializing. I’ve been happy with how each of those has been going. But exercise fell off the map a long time ago. I told myself, and others, that I was scared to let something fall by adding exercise to the list of things that I'm trying to balance. But I think that’s only part of the truth. I think part of the reason I’ve not been taking care of my fitness the way I have in the past is that I was sort of rebelling against having taken so much pride in my fitness in the past. Willingly letting it define me. So not working out or getting exercise was just sort of a way to say to myself that I didn’t feel a need to define myself that way. Is that actually true? I can’t say for sure, but I *think*that if I were completely beyond the desire to be defined that way, I probably wouldn’t still be shying away from it. But the combination of playing tennis on Tuesday and feeling completely exhausted and becoming narcoleptic in yesterday’s meeting was….sobering. I’m not ready to make lofty claims about things changing overnight. But the status quo is clearly unsustainable.