July 14, San Mateo, CA: I havent been this angry at someone I couldn't or didn't want to turn my back on in a very long time. I think I feel hurt mostly. But its true that, in the past, I did something that I am accused of now. Lots of times. I don't think I have a particularly short fuse, but I get very emotional when I am really angry. Maybe that's common. And I can usually keep my mouth shut instead of responding while emotions are still high. But tonight was different. I am glad I had to communicate via email, because I think that process allowed me to think through what I wanted to say a bit more. I still feel like I was a bit harsh.
I also had the chance today to come clean to a friend about something that has been bothering me for over a year. But I didn't do it. Out of fear of being harshly judged. The fear is real...and I think its warranted. But sharing it with him seems like the right thing to do. I could feel myself rationalizing why I shouldn't. Why it didn't matter. Which is pretty much how I know that it does.