February 22, Los Altos, CA: The irony. Or maybe it isn't ironic at all. Just last night I was thinking a lot about the person that I've been, the hurt that I've caused. And I had been thinking that I didnt want to revisit that ever again. Then this morning happened. I got an email from someone telling me that I had done something to hurt them. The reasons made perfect sense to me. I could have easily been more thoughtful. I could have considered their feelings a bit more. And because I had been feeling so much relief...or maybe false security...about any growth in this area, it was kind of hard to be confronted by it at that time. But it is a good reminder. A very good reminder that there will always be work for me to do...even on the things that I feel I've exorcised (which I'm not sure ever happens).
The note also contained some condemning words about an inability to display integrity, sensitivity, and decency. While I understand how someone who is hurt might feel that way, there is no way I can embrace a notion that I an unable to display the qualities that show someone else you care about them. There have been MANY times when I haven't done even a close to adequate job of exhibiting those traits, chasing poor judgment with even worse. But I've always had a choice, just like everyone else. I believe I have the capacity to be as loving, as kind, as loyal, as faithful, and as compassionate as everyone else. And the capacity to be as evil, manipulative, cruel, and heartless as I have been.
I am thankful that someone I hurt told me so. It definitely helps me remember that my issues will always be my issues, but the way I handle them can make all the difference.