October 30, San Mateo, CA: Spent. And down. Heard some news this AM that felt like a surprise punch in the gut. Immediately, all kinds of unhealthy and selfish impulses welled up. I indulged only one, which was to confirm. A couple of days ago I was hoping to take stock to see what kind of progress I'd made. I guess life shows you where you are in its own way and on its own schedule. A month ago I would have been emotionally debilitated, but today I just wanted to wallow. But willful wallowing is something I can control. So I got off my ass and went to work. Today, I'll call that progress. Maybe convictions aren't convictions at all until they're tested.