January 14, Burlingame, CA: Back in August, when I was still not very open to the idea of being honest with myself about how I had ruined my relationship, I went home to visit my parents. As usual there was so much on my mind, and I definitely felt like a captive of all those thoughts. Even though I don't have much of a history at all or regularly discussing any emotional challenges with them, I talked to each of them about what was on my mind. My dad asked, "Do you ever think that you analyze things too much?" It wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy, and definitely not what I needed to hear at a time when I was visibly distraught enough for him to ask me what was on my mind (not exactly an unprecedented overture, but worth writing home about). Well, the answer is a very loud yes. "Yeah. I do." Over-analysis has found its way into every part of my life. And in my relationships, I am having trouble figuring out how analysis has helped. In love, I have heard people say that when you are sure, you just know. "You will just know." "It won't make sense, but it will feel completely perfect." But I relate so much more to something I heard today: "When you no longer feel the need to analyze, then you know that the journey is over."
What am I going to do without lazy weekday brunches with friends and long, meandering discussions about...everything? Damn, I'm so fortunate.