March 25, 2017. Shauna posted a video of her entering her new home. And I felt envious as fuck. And its getting in the way of me being happy for her. Just truly happy for her. Without it meaning anything about where I am in life. But this feeling fucking sucks.
It also feels like the end of a really really long day. I am struggling with being her again and thinking about Serene. And Feeling like she is on some pedestal and her place in my life couldn’t possibly be replicated. There is someone out there who can understand me. All of me. And I need to lean into letting them see it all. Because I won’t be happy with less. Serene wasn’t perfect. Neither was our relationship. I can find a great relationship again. Gina is evidence of that. I need to let her know that.